SpectralNebula

It's been a while since I've visited DA.

I've been remembering and working through a lot of disturbing events throughout my life that I had forgotten. Up until now my whole life I've felt like I was in a trance or half asleep and never quite able to break out of it. Since I started remembering things I've felt cognitively more capable and awake, even if I am at times emotionally exhausted. Some of it is just realising where I've been/still am impaired, as long as I can actually see it I feel like I can improve. Before I felt blind to it, even if I knew something was wrong.

The point is that I don't feel like my work really reflects who I am anymore or what I want to express. That's not to say old projects are going to the scrapper, they're not. But I'll probably be working on a lot of the core concepts from scratch and deleting the bulk of my old work from DA. There are also some things that looking back on just feel silly (like the whole premise of the zyn invasion of Earth) and just seem like they were from a thinking-impaired person... probably because they were.

I'm going to start being more selective about what I post here. Work at an uncertain level of completion is going to be held back until I'm sure. As for the rest of my account it's getting a massive purge. Ideas too good to throw away will still be saved on my home PC and backup USBs.

I may also be unsubscribing from a lot of accounts or groups so that I can get a more refined feed of work that I would actually like to see. There's a lot of work that I think is really awesome and would interest someone more into the style or subject matter, but I'm personally just not into it.

My other two accounts will be getting a similar treatment.

You can now find the Arrival Of Zyn universe on WorldAnvil, gradually being fleshed out more over time. I think it's a much nicer, clearer way to present universe information than DA, though I will still post artwork of this universe on DA. I may go on to use the site to describe other worlds such as speculative evolution worlds. The website seems to be more geared towards tabletop-style game campaigns but not exclusively so.

Shout out to Zefnoly saw you on WA's Discord!

Just checking in here and there, my energy has been a bit spent on IRL stuff (it's serious and complicated) so I haven't really had the focus to get into any real depth with anything.

I still want to give a little update though, for anyone who might be interested. It kind of helps me to see where I'm at, too.

• I'm still working on the Arrival of Zyn universe as usual, even if I haven't been posting much on it. 
• With the fictional continent Kemio now gone, all stories in this universe set on Earth will use real-world Earth locations. I might keep that continent for myself, give it away or sell it if I can polish it off nicely but can't find a use.
• The main characters of the main story I've been working on for this universe are pretty much getting redone. Alice started off as a fun little self-insert experiment in a Dragon Ball fanverse that was mainly in my head at the time. Moving away from Dragon Ball, as well as stripping out the self-insert part of Alice, left her kind of hollow I think. In the depictions of her posted here as an adult she is plain, feeble and forgettable. I get it too, people like that do exist, bit Alice's life wouldn't have moulded her that way and such a character makes a terrible protagonist (unless done well on purpose, and I'm not that confident in my storytelling ability that I could pull it off). So Alice is being worked on pretty much from scratch at the moment. Might keep a few bits and pieces, especially history and childhood stuff, but her whole appearance and personality as an adult is being reworked. To be honest, the picture of how I really want her to be has been forming in my head for some time now and since I got some sketches down I feel more sure about this decision. It feels more natural.
• Alice isn't the only one, the other main characters are pretty much getting redone too. The less described second protagonist, Jack, not just a solitary weirdo like before but actually part of a phenomenon of some alien invaders thinking the grass is greener on the human side and wanting to integrate rather than oppose. Less solitary and dotty like some senile old man as in the depictions posted here (even though he actually does have a degenerative brain disease), I would prefer that he be more focused, prepared and networked. His appearance, style and general demeanor is getting redone too. 
• I'm still trying to decide what time frame in human history the invasion should take place in. I don't know what point in human technological development and societal globalisation makes sense for a sustained war between humans and the zyn, given that the zyn were heavily incapacitated by time they reached Earth. This is something I've been trying to figure out for a while now. However I have some potential budding stories that could flesh out this point in time so I'll see how that goes.
• Seeshui haven't been worked on much lately. They got an appearance redesign, though I haven't posted the full body.
• A few potential adoptables being worked on, but I'm still experimenting a bit with them to come up with something nice.
• Planet Lite is in a bit of a weird state of development. I felt that I needed to go back further to the beginning of how life developed on that planet shortly after the formation of oceans - what I have developed so far, although more primitive, is much weirder and more alien than the more Earth-like organisms posted of later stages. Some of this may contradict with the later stages so the later stages will need to be redone. Also, I want to rewrite and redraw much of the content I have now. Some lineages may be redesigned or change entirely. It's also forcing me to try and learn some chemistry, which is a bit of a weak spot for me so it may take some time for me to build enough understanding to move forward.
• Rising continent is another project I've been playing around with. The idea is a small continent rising out of the ocean on the West Pacific not long after the appearance of chordates and migrating across to the East Pacific, a hundred miles or so off the West coast of North America. Like with Planet Lite I'm learning a lot of new things (this time about ancient sea life primarily so far), so it may be a while before much more is shown of this project.
• Been keeping a folder of fakemon ideas just for fun. I've developed one of these fakemon into a fourth legendary water bird, a concept I'd read about online in the early days of pokemon when the only English translated games were Red and Blue. It was a hoax, but I still wanted to see this bird in-game. Then we got Lugia, so I suppose that filled the gap even though it's not technically water type. Still, I decided to recently make up a water legendary bird fakemon called Aquatro. Might post it later, but I want to complete the sprites for each generation first to post in the same picture.

I guess that's about it!

I've been having a go at these. My only other experience with making games was a few years ago when I tried Game Maker and was able to grasp a little bit of the in-built scripting language, but I still wasn't able to make much more than an incomplete working concept for a 2D platformer.

I'm no career student looking to become the next big AAA developer, just a hobbyist. So Unity seemed like a good direction to go in, as it has so many learning resources for a beginner like me but still looks highly versatile if I want to get into more advanced stuff later. The tutorials so far have included use of C#, so I found some great tutorials for that too that explain it really well.

I've never been good at self-directed learning. I was always a low energy, low mood child, you know those creepy kids that always look sick, withdrawn and never talk or make any friends, but there isn't actually anything diagnosed wrong with them. I could go on and on about it but I won't. I've worked hard to undo much of the damage this caused me growing up. I feel at least functional now and capable of reflecting on things more clearly.

Now it feels like I'm learning how to learn, not just learning how to make games. Seems that learning is a skill in itself, and it's something you have to learn how to manage as paradoxical as that sounds. I feel like I really missed the boat on that one, but it's never too late to start. So I've been discovering through trail and error a lot of the things that are healthy and conductive of learning, and what things aren't. Cramming and obsession? Bad. Organising learning into discrete blocks, and taking breaks/naps in-between? Good. Filling down-time with taxing, brain-frying hobbies? Bad. Filling down-time with activities that give the brain a rest? Good. Having things to look forward to is vital also, not having things to look forward to used to put me in a really bad place. I can't emphasize enough getting the right amount of sleep, too! And good food, I've found salty snacks are the worst offender. Foods like vegetables, fish, eggs and wild or brown rice seem to be the most energizing (anyone tried Thai black rice? That stuff is TASTY, sadly not that cheap so it's a rare treat). And against all advice, I've found I do NOT benefit from an early breakfast! Throws me energy off for the rest of the day and gives me day-long nausea. But if I wait an hour after waking up before eating, it's fine.

So it's also a little bit about finding what works for you as an individual. Many forms of advice work for a majority, but may not necessarily work for a smaller minority. Like the breakfast thing.

Currently on the Space Shooter tutorial, finished the Roll a Ball tutorial and added a few personal tweaks to it to solidify my understanding. It's been quite smooth so far, could easily be lulled into a false sense of security. I know it's going to get difficult eventually, but that's part of the fun.

I'm going to be a long way off developing my game idea, it's just too early for that. But I'm continuously coming up with ideas for it. Anyone remember EVO: Search for Eden? I would love to see a game like this, but in 3D, open-world (possible procedurally generated) with a multitude of biomes to adapt to, in a world that is constantly changing. I'm not interested in a Spore clone, though. This game would take a more open-world survival direction, focused on the creature's evolution to sentience and early civilization. The transition to sentience would be smooth - evolve more brain power and manipulators to unlock crafting and building, for example, in a way that's based on what came before. It's a big undertaking, I can't see myself even attempting it for a few years yet. But I'll try and work on some smaller projects that incorporate elements of such a game.

This is nothing exciting, just a personal journal.

Life feels like it's on hold and going nowhere right now.

Past month I've been flooded with repressed traumatic memories resurfacing that I never knew I had, some surprisingly recent, some from childhood. I won't get into them, just saying they've kind of put a halt on any creative thought process.

Also have had to take in a family member who has fallen sick with cancer, so she has been our top priority for now. Other family are taking a turn for now because my partner and I are contagious with flu.

I wish I had the mental and physical health to hold down a job, but I don't. My CV is irredeemable and I am unemployable. I wish years ago nobody had told me to volunteer - useless wastes of my life, potential employers don't care, and I earned no money or even references for it! I can only rely on my carer's allowance and my partner's benefits. Caring is a full-time job in itself but a week of work pays like a single day's work in minimum wage retail. I am always tired. But I am never going back to retail hell.

I don't have the energy to chase up different departments who keep telling me they sent out my appointment letters and it's my fault I missed them, when I didn't receive anything and keep giving them my correct address. I just think NHS resources are stretched so they're trying to thin out the number of potential patients. I'm pretty sure if I ever got to the stage of speaking to a shrink they'd have a mighty job on their hands as I've been a mess since I was about three. But I've given up.

Sorry if that was a bit of a downer but it's just to say I'm not neglecting this account on purpose. I've just had a lot on my mind.

Need to get back into the adopts game, it was nice getting paid on occasion. It's just getting that creative spark back. I feel like my imagination has been wiped, like I just don't have one anymore.